Mother's Day...warning, emotional rambling ahead.

• A year ago, on Mother's Day, we told our families that we were expecting a baby. Honestly, I was nervous even then to let anyone in on the “secret.” I was terrified that something would happen and we would not get our sweet baby. I guess infertility does that to you. I can remember the feeling of telling them and then thinking “Holy Cow I hope that we aren’t all disappointed.” I can remember praying that God would bless us with a healthy, happy baby.

• I can remember the year before that, (and the year before that) being sad on Mother’s Day because I honestly didn’t know if I would ever get to experience Mother’s Day as a Mother myself. I can remember praying that God would bless us with a baby. I can remember hearing people talk about what a pain it is to have to get up in the middle of the night because “the baby woke up” and thinking to myself how lucky they were to be able to look at that sweet face and watch him/her drift off to sleep. I can remember watching Kevin with our friend’s babies and wondering if I would ever get the chance to see him with our baby in the early light of the morning. I can remember wanting to be a Mother so bad that it made my arms ache because I so desperately wanted to feel the weight of a baby…MY baby in my arms.
• Yesterday I woke up at 4am to the sounds of my babbling baby. Yesterday I leaned over the edge of her bed and watched her smile at the sight of my tired, groggy, sheet creased face. Yesterday I put her little pink pacie back in her mouth and watched her heavy eye lids close and her pacie wiggle in her sweet little mouth as she drifted off to sleep. Yesterday I closed my eyes and, for the 1 millionth time, silently thanked God for trusting me enough to send me this precious child. Yesterday I stayed there, peeking over the side of her bed and just watched her chest rise and fall in the most constant, reassuring rhythm until my eyelids grew heavy too. Yesterday I snuggled up next to my sleeping husband and marveled at the fact that we were chosen to be the parents to such a sweet little baby and promptly fell asleep to the sounds of her sleeping wimpers. Yesterday I rocked my sweet girl and told her that she is the reason that I was born...she is my miracle...and I'll never let her for get it. Yesterday, I got my wish, my answered prayer, I got to celebrate Mother’s Day with arms aching from the weight of a growing baby girl.