- 2 years ago today was the worst day of my life. I can't believe that it has already been 2 years. I find myself sometimes concentrating as hard as I can to remember the sound of his voice. I can still remember a few days before Nonie died standing on the side of the street, sobbing, and laying my head on his chest and hearing his heart beat and I remember thinking that my world had stopped spinning, like it always did when I found myself there. I can still smell him and can remember the feeling of his arms around my shoulders. I can still hear my name coming from his mouth and see him smoothing down his mustache with his bottom lip after he had a sip of coke. I can still see his face for what would be the last time as I pulled out of the driveway of my home, my safe place. I never dreamed I would find myself here at this point in my life, alone--without my hero--my Tex. I never dreamed that I wouldn't see him hold his first grandchild. I never dreamed that I wouldn't be able to run to Penn's with him again. I never dreamed that I would never again lay my head on his chest and hear his heart beat and feel his chest rise and fall with breath. I never dreamed that I would be in this place 2 years later.
- As I rocked Rory the other night I found myself talking to her, as I often do, about her Papa. I told her that he would have spoiled her rotten. I told her that although he never held her while sitting in the rocker, that he would have if he had the chance. I told her that he would have taken her golfing and fishing and done all sorts of fun things with her. I told her that she would have loved him and thought that he hung the moon. I told her that they would have been quite the pair and that he would have had some crazy nickname for her...something only he would call her. I told her that he would have loved her...that he does love her. I told her that he watches over her, and her Daddy and I, everyday. I told her that the birthmark on the back of her neck in her hairline was from her Papa. That he kissed her as she was leaving heaven on the back of her neck to remind her, and us, that he is behind her in all that she does, just like he would have been here on Earth. I told her that she is the best parts of him, all wrapped up in an undeniably cute package.
- I held her last night and giggled at her not quite shut eyes as she slept and laughed because he did the same thing and it drove me crazy. I held her little hand and rejoiced in the fact that it looked like a mini version of mine, and that mine looked like his. I secretly giggled to myself when I thought about "the look" and how some how, even at 6 months, she had it down pat--chin down, eyes cut up and head slightly tilted. I have seen it many times, but hadn't realized how much I missed it. I told her what a blessing she was and how I would tell her all about him and that she would know him through me. I snuggled her close and wrapped her up, with her little head on my chest, just over my heart and I knew that I had been here before. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes and took comfort in the feeling of her breath on my skin. For a second I could have sworn that I felt him there...standing right next to me with his hand on my hand on her back. I slammed my eyes open and whipped my head straight up and it was then that I saw it...the sweetest, toothless smile, had spread across her face in her sleep...I was right...he was there, like always. Rory felt it too.
- Dad...I miss you more and more. I promise that I will tell Rory all about you, I promise that she will know you, I promise that I will do my best to make you proud. I only hope that I can be a fraction of the parent to Rory, that you were to me. I love you, I always will. Forever - Your Fritz.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Here is Kevin's Father's Day present. I got this charcoal drawing done of Rory the other weekend. It looks AMAZING! It was worth every penny. Kevin was shocked, but I think that he really likes it. She is growing so fast and it is so special to have such an amazing memory of her at 6 months. She is such a sweet baby. We are surely blessed. Sorry about the glare, that is what I get for taking pictures at 9:30pm. I know, sometimes I am not so bright. Next, since I am doing a post on Pics of Rory in the house, is the canvas portrait that we had done with some of the pics that Erin did. Again, excuse the glare...I used the point and shoot at 9:30p. I will try to get some better pics of it, but you get the point! Happy Father's day Kevin! Thank you for giving me such a sweet baby girl. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching you with Rory. Also, Happy Father's Day Dad. I know that you aren't physically here, but I see you everyday in the face of Rory. I hear you everyday in my mind when I watch the relationship develop between Kevin and Rory and I miss you everyday with every fiber of my being. I LOVE you, I miss you, I hope that I make you proud.-Fritz
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sorry I missed Friday, but here is the 6 month post. Rory, At 6 months, you are SO much fun. You went to your first art festival where I had a charcoal picture done of you for your Daddy for Father's Day. I am amazed how cute you are and how fast you pick stuff up. I took you all of 3 seconds to figure out what to do with the sippy cup. I am still in amazement that we have been blessed with such a sweet baby. Can't wait for the next 6 months! If you don't mind though...can you sleep through the night again please? I realize that 2am sounds like a good time to get up to hang out...trust me, IT IS NOT! We love you! Mommy and Daddy
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I am still around! We have been SLAMMED here at work, so I have been MIA during the day and Miss Bee is keeping me hopping at night! Rory had her 6 month doctor's appt yesterday. She is 16 lbs and 4oz and was 26.25 inches long. She did all her tricks for the doctor yesterday and was in a great mood until she got the 2 shots. Truthfully, the nurse holding down her legs and arms was worse than the shots....girlfriend DOES NOT like to be restricted! Anyway, special post tomorrow for her 6 month birthday...seriously...6 months, I can't believe it!