Tuesday, May 5, 2009

10 on Tuesday - Things not to say V2.0

In contrast to yesterday’s post about 10 things-Fertility Challenged, today (in honor of 10 on Tuesday) is 10 things not to say (or do) to a pregnant woman (my thoughts again included for no charge)

  1. “Excuse me, but are you pregnant?” – Nope, not pregnant, just swallowed watermelon seeds and miracle grow…what was your first clue?
  2. Rub, rub, rub on pregnant lady’s belly – Do I know you and do you value your limbs? If the answers are “no” and “yes” respectively, back off before I introduce myself in a not so friendly way.
  3. You are eating for two now” – Yep, so what is your excuse? I know that I am pregnant, but there is no need to try to fatten me up, I am doing a GREAT job on my own
  4. “Wow, you sure do eat a lot” – OK, see #3…damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I can loose weight...you can't loose stupid.
  5. When are you due…like tomorrow?” – NEVER make this statement, chances are, my due date is not even remotely close and even if it is tomorrow, when you are at the end, tomorrow feels like next year.
  6. “Wow, can you even see your feet?” – Nope but luckily I have excellent muscle memory and they are still capable of kicking you in the shins
  7. “When are you having another one?”Umm in case you haven’t noticed, the hotel is currently booked, can I please have some vacancy time to prepare for the next occupant? This is not a Motel 6.
  8. “Are you having twins?” – Nope, but thanks for making me feel like a beached whale!
  9. “Your poor husband?” – Are you freaking kidding me?
  10. “I just love pregnant women” – Really? Because we aren’t really that fond of you.


Candi said...

Oh you forgot the lovely...
"Was it planned?" This is extremely rude and assanine to say to a woman. And yes it was said to me.
And the first person that tries to rub my belly better be able to regrow a hand because I will rip off the current one they have. You just don't rub bellies!
Love your comments about having another one! Freaking hilarious!
Oh and don't you just love ANY advice that comes from a man? Um when they are able to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a lemon then maybe just maybe my give a darn won't be busted about their lovely advice. Enough said :)

Audrey said...

And don't forget the oh so annoying...what weird cravings are you having? Well, for starters-I'd really like to smack you.

This was funny Lauren. I laughed out loud when I read #4 and #7.

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